Readers, I'm sure you've all heard about this by now. That anyone could do something so hateful is beyond belief. I will admit that the circumstances of this story made me reconsider what I post on this blog, but then again, I don't consider our material hateful or offensive. The point of this blog is mainly to make fun of ourselves and the random happenings of college life, not to offend anyone. With any big news, C and I try to check with the subject before posting it. We often disguise small details of our stories, even the TFTDs. As you've probably guessed, all names are changed. Most of the people mentioned in this blog read it regularly. C and I hope that our posts are considered harmless and that our readers enjoy laughing as much as we do.
What do you think, readers? What are the risks of having a blog like this--an anonymous blog that conceals important details--on the internet? Do you find our blog as harmless as we intend it to be? Be honest.
Rest in peace, Tyler Clementi.
xoxo,
M.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A Little Bit of Everything
Greetings Earthlings,
We have sad news. Well, not necessarily sad news for us, but sad news for Hank. Hank has dropped the ball, it's safe to say, and he and Ellen are no long an "item." Instead, he's too embarrassed to show his face, and drops his eyes whenever she's near. C thinks its because he was ashamed of himself for showing up at E's room drunk one night. Regardless, the legend of his dick-ness has spread, and in a matter of 24 hours, not one, but TWO burly men have given him a good talking-to. As in gone to Hank's room and told him to stop messing with our heroine! Hit the road, Hank, and dontchya come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
We thought we should give an update on the massive hickey, christened "Harold" as of 9:13 this morning. M has received several comments from keen observers who have managed to look through her scarf and see the enormous mass of redness. Most of the observations were funny, but some were not. C noted this morning that Harold was looking pretty flamboyant, but conditions have improved slightly throughout the day. C's scientific eye predicts that Harold will also hit the road by Thursday.
Dear ole Yoda--yes, the skinny green man, got some action last night as M kissed C's cheek in a display of lesbo love and love of Star Wars. And even though we cannot tell you the story of George, we can explain Yoda. Included in C's Happy Meal yesterday just happened to be a temporary tattoo of Yoda holding a light saber. To spread some love in the world, C promptly placed it on her cheek. Ok, so when M asked C to write about Yoda getting some action, however, she was discussing a different nature--as in that with a certain "Greg". However, C gets red in the face when she talks about Greg, so lets just say she is smitten. We will leave it at that.
As for some good old sexile gossip, let's just say that this unkind practice has become ever more common in the past week or so. Even for the people you'd least expect. This is what college is all about, or something.
* * * * * *
SPOTTED:
* * * * * *
Readers, if we may say so ourselves, we have had many texts in the past day or two that are surely worthy of a spot on GCBIMH. So now, if we may...
From M to C: "When I walk, my rainboots slap my thighs very loudly and my books squeak around in my backpack like giant farts."
From Ellen to C: "FML penguin and I are wearing the same sweatshirt."
From Paul (who attends the Harry Potter-esque college) to M: "I might have fallen asleep in Spanish, and my TA might have drawn a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead. FML."
And finally...
From a reader to M: "Your blog is better than Gossip Girl."
We think that's a good place to end. You probably do too.
Knowingly yours,
C. & M.
We have sad news. Well, not necessarily sad news for us, but sad news for Hank. Hank has dropped the ball, it's safe to say, and he and Ellen are no long an "item." Instead, he's too embarrassed to show his face, and drops his eyes whenever she's near. C thinks its because he was ashamed of himself for showing up at E's room drunk one night. Regardless, the legend of his dick-ness has spread, and in a matter of 24 hours, not one, but TWO burly men have given him a good talking-to. As in gone to Hank's room and told him to stop messing with our heroine! Hit the road, Hank, and dontchya come back no more, no more, no more, no more.
We thought we should give an update on the massive hickey, christened "Harold" as of 9:13 this morning. M has received several comments from keen observers who have managed to look through her scarf and see the enormous mass of redness. Most of the observations were funny, but some were not. C noted this morning that Harold was looking pretty flamboyant, but conditions have improved slightly throughout the day. C's scientific eye predicts that Harold will also hit the road by Thursday.
Dear ole Yoda--yes, the skinny green man, got some action last night as M kissed C's cheek in a display of lesbo love and love of Star Wars. And even though we cannot tell you the story of George, we can explain Yoda. Included in C's Happy Meal yesterday just happened to be a temporary tattoo of Yoda holding a light saber. To spread some love in the world, C promptly placed it on her cheek. Ok, so when M asked C to write about Yoda getting some action, however, she was discussing a different nature--as in that with a certain "Greg". However, C gets red in the face when she talks about Greg, so lets just say she is smitten. We will leave it at that.
As for some good old sexile gossip, let's just say that this unkind practice has become ever more common in the past week or so. Even for the people you'd least expect. This is what college is all about, or something.
* * * * * *
SPOTTED:
- Ian, man of mystery, dining alone and looking ever attractive, alluring, and available. He looked in our direction. That counts as looking at us, right?
- Our college's #1 "celeb" extraordinaire, looking fetch as ever.
- Penguin Man. Some people look like animals. Others are humanimals. Penguin Man fits into the latter category. And he creeps on C like a penguin protects its egg.
- Cute yellow-shorted boy in one of M's classes. Though it is so cliché, he dropped his pencil, and M picked it up for him. Needless to say, sparks were flying. Like in the way penguins can fly.
* * * * * *
Readers, if we may say so ourselves, we have had many texts in the past day or two that are surely worthy of a spot on GCBIMH. So now, if we may...
From M to C: "When I walk, my rainboots slap my thighs very loudly and my books squeak around in my backpack like giant farts."
From Ellen to C: "FML penguin and I are wearing the same sweatshirt."
From Paul (who attends the Harry Potter-esque college) to M: "I might have fallen asleep in Spanish, and my TA might have drawn a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead. FML."
And finally...
From a reader to M: "Your blog is better than Gossip Girl."
We think that's a good place to end. You probably do too.
Knowingly yours,
C. & M.
Monday, September 27, 2010
What a fine fall weekend.
Dear world,
It has been far too long since we’ve updated you on our utterly exciting lives. Believe it or not, signing “chastely yours” on our last post really must have worked some magic because C and I both have gotten some tail as of late. C has finally found a certain Greg worth smooching after the disaster that was He Was Who Shall Not Be Named, and I spent my weekend visiting a friend/lover at one of those picturesque schools that remind us all of Harry Potter. Though we were apart, I think I can speak for C and me both when I say that we quite enjoyed our weekends.
I never thought I would have to say this, but I currently feel as freaky as C did when she was the Bearded (or at least Mustachioed) Lady. Only this time, it’s not hair, but a hickey. It looks as though all of the vampires from Twilight amassed their powers and showcased their collective talent on my neck. This is what I get for being pale and having a beardy boytoy. Anyway, thank goodness for a certain female friend at said Harry Potter-esque school who was willing to lend me some scarves. She saved the day, or at least last night. But now, being the self-conscious young lady that I am, I am convinced that all of my fellow passengers on my journey back to my own non-HP school are staring at my neck and judging me, since I had to leave the scarves with Superfriend. I was particularly concerned that the Woman Who Sounds Like a Cow Due To Thunderous Gum-Chewing and Who Has Called Four People to Tell Them Public Transportation Is a Great Time to Talk on the Phone would make a comment about it when I politely asked her to chew her gum a bit more quietly, but alas, my opportunity to make a witty comment about actually being able to attract men (or at least one young Paul) was lost. Meanwhile, I am just gathering unwanted details about this woman’s boring life. She just told whatever idiot who is stupid/bored enough to talk to her that this train is really loud. It seemed like Idiot Friend said that she couldn’t hear anything in the background and that the train didn't seem loud to her. I wonder why. Maybe because Woman Who Sounds Like Cow has talking/chewing capabilities that rival the loudness of C’s rape whistle and would easily block out any noise from the train's mechanical function.
The guy next to me now is incessantly scratching himself. He probs gots the herp.
Anyway, I am now back and unpacked and am just oh-so-tempted by the early-90s video I must watch for Français. I'm sure you'll be hearing from the one and only C tomorrow night.
Your hickeyed source for all important train observations,
M.
Anyway, I am now back and unpacked and am just oh-so-tempted by the early-90s video I must watch for Français. I'm sure you'll be hearing from the one and only C tomorrow night.
Your hickeyed source for all important train observations,
M.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Where is my sanity?
Friends and lovers,
Schoolwork is eating my soul. I should not even be blogging right now, as I have approximately 200 pages of dense, indecipherable reading due tomorrow. Add to the fact that I have commitments for five hours of the evening, and you have a very frantic, distraught M. Did I mention that the dense reading assignment is for only one of my classes? I hate staying up late, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be befriending caffeine around 10:30 tonight and getting minimal sleep. This is college for you.
And now I will hand this post over to my loyal comrade, C, since she knows how to say things that actually aren't full of self-pity and depression.
C here. Just a couple of thoughts for this evening......I've come to a jarring conclusion these past couple of days, due, possibly to the flower sex polluting the air, that I have been cursed with a cough that sounds like a sneeze. A "snough," if you will. I am one of those people, who cough once and is met with a "God-Bless-You," a snougher. It's terribly awkward. The dilemma stands: do you correct those mannered souls, responding "Oh that was a cough" or do you just thank them and let it slide? If you have any solutions, please let me know, because it's terrible. Sometimes I try and cough multiple times, just to emphasize it is a cough. It doesn't work. Help.
Oh and every club decided to meet tonight (like every club on campus) so I do need to get going.....and Jack offered to pay me for my services....of doing his homework for him duh....get your mind out of the gutter.
Anyhow back to the grind....perhaps something will happen tomorrow? Maybe? Someday someone will get some action.
Chastely Yours,
C & M
Schoolwork is eating my soul. I should not even be blogging right now, as I have approximately 200 pages of dense, indecipherable reading due tomorrow. Add to the fact that I have commitments for five hours of the evening, and you have a very frantic, distraught M. Did I mention that the dense reading assignment is for only one of my classes? I hate staying up late, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be befriending caffeine around 10:30 tonight and getting minimal sleep. This is college for you.
And now I will hand this post over to my loyal comrade, C, since she knows how to say things that actually aren't full of self-pity and depression.
C here. Just a couple of thoughts for this evening......I've come to a jarring conclusion these past couple of days, due, possibly to the flower sex polluting the air, that I have been cursed with a cough that sounds like a sneeze. A "snough," if you will. I am one of those people, who cough once and is met with a "God-Bless-You," a snougher. It's terribly awkward. The dilemma stands: do you correct those mannered souls, responding "Oh that was a cough" or do you just thank them and let it slide? If you have any solutions, please let me know, because it's terrible. Sometimes I try and cough multiple times, just to emphasize it is a cough. It doesn't work. Help.
Oh and every club decided to meet tonight (like every club on campus) so I do need to get going.....and Jack offered to pay me for my services....of doing his homework for him duh....get your mind out of the gutter.
Anyhow back to the grind....perhaps something will happen tomorrow? Maybe? Someday someone will get some action.
Chastely Yours,
C & M
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Study Sunday (With a Thong Break)
Good evening devoted reader (aka Jack),
I am wearing a thong.
Just thought I would put that out there, though it has kind of been on my mind for a while now (since, like, when I first put in on a few hours ago). During a study break today, around the 4 o'clock hour, Ellen and Lee accompanied me to a certain "Victoria's Secret" where, after much debate, I purchased my very first thong for $10. 47.
On the way there, Lee, being who he is, revealed his uncanny ability to guess anyone's bra size anywhere at any time. Ellen ad myself put him to the test. He nailed it--both times. I told him he could work for a travelling circus and guess people's bra sizes for money. He said he could do that or just work for Victoria's Secret. Yes, Victoria's Secret is probably the better option there. See? He knows everything.
In other news (before C goes to bed at about the same time as her 93-year-old Grandma), M & C spent an extended amount of time at the library where computers were being occupied by not only university students, but also a homeless man who was talking to himself and listening to Beyonce Knowles and an Indian woman watching Bollywood videos and game shows on Youtube without headphones. Needless to say it was a diverse crowd in the Lib.
We also spent a good amount of time this afternoon pronouncing French words poorly and listening to quality music such as: one to get us inspired, one to get us excited about French, one to act like Frank and sing to, one for M to show case her knowledge of French, and one for C to show case her knowledge of Italian.
Like we've said before, lots of exciting things.
Spotted: Hank walking back into our dorm with Skinny Sally last night. When asked about it, he claims that they were going to help their friend "the toilet". Perhaps a missing word there, Hank? Or perhaps not. According to a first hand account, Skinny Sally is nowhere NEAR as ravishing as our very own heroine, so we assume Hank's intentions were innocent. Unless, of course, he was looking to get some easy ass. And, lets be real, the easy ones are always ugly.
Ok. I have finished my "cottage double" and will wait to expand on some issues until my counterpart has finished her examen francais and we can joint blog together. I can hardly wait.
Nous t'embrace et nous sommes enchantees,
C&M
I am wearing a thong.
Just thought I would put that out there, though it has kind of been on my mind for a while now (since, like, when I first put in on a few hours ago). During a study break today, around the 4 o'clock hour, Ellen and Lee accompanied me to a certain "Victoria's Secret" where, after much debate, I purchased my very first thong for $10. 47.
On the way there, Lee, being who he is, revealed his uncanny ability to guess anyone's bra size anywhere at any time. Ellen ad myself put him to the test. He nailed it--both times. I told him he could work for a travelling circus and guess people's bra sizes for money. He said he could do that or just work for Victoria's Secret. Yes, Victoria's Secret is probably the better option there. See? He knows everything.
In other news (before C goes to bed at about the same time as her 93-year-old Grandma), M & C spent an extended amount of time at the library where computers were being occupied by not only university students, but also a homeless man who was talking to himself and listening to Beyonce Knowles and an Indian woman watching Bollywood videos and game shows on Youtube without headphones. Needless to say it was a diverse crowd in the Lib.
We also spent a good amount of time this afternoon pronouncing French words poorly and listening to quality music such as: one to get us inspired, one to get us excited about French, one to act like Frank and sing to, one for M to show case her knowledge of French, and one for C to show case her knowledge of Italian.
Like we've said before, lots of exciting things.
Spotted: Hank walking back into our dorm with Skinny Sally last night. When asked about it, he claims that they were going to help their friend "the toilet". Perhaps a missing word there, Hank? Or perhaps not. According to a first hand account, Skinny Sally is nowhere NEAR as ravishing as our very own heroine, so we assume Hank's intentions were innocent. Unless, of course, he was looking to get some easy ass. And, lets be real, the easy ones are always ugly.
Ok. I have finished my "cottage double" and will wait to expand on some issues until my counterpart has finished her examen francais and we can joint blog together. I can hardly wait.
Nous t'embrace et nous sommes enchantees,
C&M
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Library Update
We are at the library in very good company. Among our fellow Saturday-night studiers, we have the following:
- Girl with Unibrow (and Moustache?) You know how self-conscious we get about facial hair.
- Girl Who Has Not Met a Hairbrush in Three Years
- Asian Boy with LSAT Book
- Middle Eastern Boy Who Has Obviously Been Crying
- Statue that Looks Like a Vagina
We've got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night.
Studiously yours,
C. & M.
J & J, E & H, and Easy A
Devoted followers,
My apologies for falling behind on my blogging duties, but the past couple of days have been a whirlwind. As my darling C mentioned, I went to see the incredible Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice on Thursday night. The two of them make the cutest couple of indie love on the planet. Jenny is absolutely adorbs, and the chemistry she had with Johnny on stage was tangible but appropriate. Their music is so timeless, though I admit that it brings me back to the days of country/folk singers in the 70s with some 2000s pop thrown in for good measure. Too bad I was not alive in the 70s. Anyway, Jenny and I held eye contact for about 10 solid seconds, which gave me shivers. Later I was chosen, along with 3 other girls, to go on stage and sing with J & J. I loved it. I love that Jenny knew my name for about 4 minutes. I know that I sound like a 12-year-old who just came back from her first Biebs concert, but it was worth it. And it is worth your time to check out J & J yourselves.
I just realized that a fair number of you may not actually know who Jenny is. You may have heard her with her old band, Rilo Kiley. In any case, here are some links you should check out. RK. J & J
After floating above the clouds in my post-concert daze, I came back to find myself sexiled, or so I'd thought. I thought Ellen was certainly with Hank since I had not heard from her in a while, and C had gotten come recon that indicated the sexile was true. This gave me an excuse to go to another room and further bond with Jack and Frank, both of whom are quite amusing characters in very different ways. Jack and I have a lot in common, and I think Frank and I might, though I'm not sure what yet. Regardless, I have been spending a fair amount of time in their room for the past few days/nights. We are officially friends with Jack, and I'm still working on Frank. But back to the important things- the supposed sexile (the fake sexile? the fexile?). It turns out that E & H were in our room, but that they were probably just talking and getting to know each other by the time I came back. There may have been some cuddle action, and for that, I am supremely jealous of E. Some other events with Hank unfolded last night as well, but our heroine, E, is still a bit confused about the signals involved in this fledgling...thing. We will keep you posted on the essential deets of the tales of E & H.
Last night C and I went with some pals to see Easy A. Overall, we came to the consensus that it is a mature version of Mean Girls, and perhaps even funnier than that, mostly because the lines haven't begun to be over-quoted yet. We agree, though, that this movie may not be one to see repeatedly. We loved it, but there would not be much to get from the movie by watching it subsequent times. We were surprised that the two guys who came with us actually liked the movie, but we were more surprised that Emma Stone is a movie star, despite her European breasts. (Note: Lee has deemed cup sizes < C to be "European".) It was reassuring to see a real person, rather than a plastic-surgeried bimbo, in the lead role of Olive. The whole movie was just a big, clever laughing fit. We especially appreciated Olive's parents. You should probably just see this movie for them. And Penn Badgley.
Readers, I have some dramatic news. Ellen and C have changed their appearances via brightly-colored streaks in their hair. Though I contemplated the idea myself, I have decided to hold off for now. However, there is still some extra blue dye, so who knows what may happen in the coming days, weeks, and months. Things could get a little crazar in here.
It is now 9:33 on a Saturday night, and darling C and I are off to the library. This is what we get for having off-campus jobs that consume our lives. But of course, we still make time for blogging and observing and creeping.
And now, for a final thought, I have not a TFTD, but a QFTD, a quote from the day.
Jack: In my mind, Mother Teresa is young and attractive.
Frank: (As he holds up a newspaper with a picture of Mother Teresa) I think not. But I do always get her confused with Harriet Tubman.
A quote from Frank is all we need to go out with a bang.
xoxo,
M.
My apologies for falling behind on my blogging duties, but the past couple of days have been a whirlwind. As my darling C mentioned, I went to see the incredible Jenny Lewis and Johnathan Rice on Thursday night. The two of them make the cutest couple of indie love on the planet. Jenny is absolutely adorbs, and the chemistry she had with Johnny on stage was tangible but appropriate. Their music is so timeless, though I admit that it brings me back to the days of country/folk singers in the 70s with some 2000s pop thrown in for good measure. Too bad I was not alive in the 70s. Anyway, Jenny and I held eye contact for about 10 solid seconds, which gave me shivers. Later I was chosen, along with 3 other girls, to go on stage and sing with J & J. I loved it. I love that Jenny knew my name for about 4 minutes. I know that I sound like a 12-year-old who just came back from her first Biebs concert, but it was worth it. And it is worth your time to check out J & J yourselves.
I just realized that a fair number of you may not actually know who Jenny is. You may have heard her with her old band, Rilo Kiley. In any case, here are some links you should check out. RK. J & J
After floating above the clouds in my post-concert daze, I came back to find myself sexiled, or so I'd thought. I thought Ellen was certainly with Hank since I had not heard from her in a while, and C had gotten come recon that indicated the sexile was true. This gave me an excuse to go to another room and further bond with Jack and Frank, both of whom are quite amusing characters in very different ways. Jack and I have a lot in common, and I think Frank and I might, though I'm not sure what yet. Regardless, I have been spending a fair amount of time in their room for the past few days/nights. We are officially friends with Jack, and I'm still working on Frank. But back to the important things- the supposed sexile (the fake sexile? the fexile?). It turns out that E & H were in our room, but that they were probably just talking and getting to know each other by the time I came back. There may have been some cuddle action, and for that, I am supremely jealous of E. Some other events with Hank unfolded last night as well, but our heroine, E, is still a bit confused about the signals involved in this fledgling...thing. We will keep you posted on the essential deets of the tales of E & H.
Last night C and I went with some pals to see Easy A. Overall, we came to the consensus that it is a mature version of Mean Girls, and perhaps even funnier than that, mostly because the lines haven't begun to be over-quoted yet. We agree, though, that this movie may not be one to see repeatedly. We loved it, but there would not be much to get from the movie by watching it subsequent times. We were surprised that the two guys who came with us actually liked the movie, but we were more surprised that Emma Stone is a movie star, despite her European breasts. (Note: Lee has deemed cup sizes < C to be "European".) It was reassuring to see a real person, rather than a plastic-surgeried bimbo, in the lead role of Olive. The whole movie was just a big, clever laughing fit. We especially appreciated Olive's parents. You should probably just see this movie for them. And Penn Badgley.
Readers, I have some dramatic news. Ellen and C have changed their appearances via brightly-colored streaks in their hair. Though I contemplated the idea myself, I have decided to hold off for now. However, there is still some extra blue dye, so who knows what may happen in the coming days, weeks, and months. Things could get a little crazar in here.
It is now 9:33 on a Saturday night, and darling C and I are off to the library. This is what we get for having off-campus jobs that consume our lives. But of course, we still make time for blogging and observing and creeping.
And now, for a final thought, I have not a TFTD, but a QFTD, a quote from the day.
Jack: In my mind, Mother Teresa is young and attractive.
Frank: (As he holds up a newspaper with a picture of Mother Teresa) I think not. But I do always get her confused with Harriet Tubman.
A quote from Frank is all we need to go out with a bang.
xoxo,
M.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Found it! The following is from M earlier today:
Comrades,
We may have spoken too soon when we said that love is blossoming. Ellen's hero may be less than such, and certain others who have been pursued just aren't returning the love to their pursuers. Such is life, we suppose, but at the same time, who doesn't just want to cuddle once in a while? We do. We are champion cuddlers.
Lee's knowledge continues to stun us all. M's lack of knowledge is getting her down. A new friendship with Jack has helped though. Jack is a pretty great guy, and he has been tolerant of crazy girl talk for 2 nights in a row. We wonder why Frank doesn't join in. It probably has something to do with his desire to remain mysterious.
We are desperate for the weekend.
Comrades,
We may have spoken too soon when we said that love is blossoming. Ellen's hero may be less than such, and certain others who have been pursued just aren't returning the love to their pursuers. Such is life, we suppose, but at the same time, who doesn't just want to cuddle once in a while? We do. We are champion cuddlers.
Lee's knowledge continues to stun us all. M's lack of knowledge is getting her down. A new friendship with Jack has helped though. Jack is a pretty great guy, and he has been tolerant of crazy girl talk for 2 nights in a row. We wonder why Frank doesn't join in. It probably has something to do with his desire to remain mysterious.
We are desperate for the weekend.
Thirsty Thursday
Unfortunately, my counterpart, M, is away at the moment. She is currently among many other hipsters enjoying the sounds of Jenny Lewis (whoever that is--sorry, M). Apparently, she started a post today, but C can't find it. C is the shittiest computer user the world has ever known. Therefore, she cannot find M's post. And for that, C is sincerely sorry.
Welcome to our first Thirsty Thursday, because, newsflash, Thursday is actually part of the weekend in college. Oh, you didn't know? Don't worry, I forget from time to time as well. The real wake-up call was in walking back from the laundry room, passing girls in dresses that could pass as shirts and heels that were the heighth of half of my leg. Seeing as that it is 11:00 on a SCHOOL NIGHT (those apparently don't exist anymore--those and packed lunches with PB&J and Apple Juice....) I have a different attire that consists of oversized boxer shorts (that, no, never belonged to a male) and a semi-turtleneck shirt I bought at a fish market, along with a pair of loafers. I pass Frank: "Hey you goin' out tonight?" He asks. Yeah, the pajama party is right down the street. NBD.
But, seeing as that it IS indeed "Thirsty Thursday," C had to celebrate. My roommate and I just popped the top open to sparkling grapefruit juice. Cheers. Almost there, right? Anyhow. Back to the goss (a pathetic abbreves for "gossip").
A legend has started in our dorm. A woman, female, girl (whatever name you ascribe to that gender) has been dubbed "the bearded lady" [http://tinyurl.com/2fqp7pq]. If the name does not say enough, I will describe. A patch of whiskers has sprouted on her upper lip--and, because this poor unfortunate soul was cursed with dark hair and very, very pale skin, the unthinkable has happened--these harmless, dark, hairs have merited the status of "mustache." And, I very much regret to inform you that this poor, unfortunate soul is your very own C.
Now as we mourn for her briefly, we can move onto the other news of the day. Lee knows everything seems to be the general theme of EVERY DAY, but recently he's had some competition from Jack. Hell, Jack even offered to lend C his razor. In any case, Lee's boy advice, taken word-for-word by our very own heroine and other helpless females (though please, allow me to clarify, Ellen is anything but helpless) has worked like a frikken charm. It's unbelievable--they're eating out of the palm of their hands.
In other news, snuggling invitations have been declined. Apparently not all heterosexual men crave a good cuddle. What is this world coming to? But, lets be real, half of the college population just wants to get some action anyway--can't that just come in the form of cuddling?? We'll work on that one later.
And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for! The TFTD (which is actually a series of texts):
8:09PM(203): I'm betting he won't text me tonight....
8:10PM(203): It's okay I have work
8:11PM(203): But I wish he would
8:12PM(203): I'm so lame!!!
We've all been there. For now, the izze be gettin' cold.
A very parched yours, XOXO,
C & M
Welcome to our first Thirsty Thursday, because, newsflash, Thursday is actually part of the weekend in college. Oh, you didn't know? Don't worry, I forget from time to time as well. The real wake-up call was in walking back from the laundry room, passing girls in dresses that could pass as shirts and heels that were the heighth of half of my leg. Seeing as that it is 11:00 on a SCHOOL NIGHT (those apparently don't exist anymore--those and packed lunches with PB&J and Apple Juice....) I have a different attire that consists of oversized boxer shorts (that, no, never belonged to a male) and a semi-turtleneck shirt I bought at a fish market, along with a pair of loafers. I pass Frank: "Hey you goin' out tonight?" He asks. Yeah, the pajama party is right down the street. NBD.
But, seeing as that it IS indeed "Thirsty Thursday," C had to celebrate. My roommate and I just popped the top open to sparkling grapefruit juice. Cheers. Almost there, right? Anyhow. Back to the goss (a pathetic abbreves for "gossip").
A legend has started in our dorm. A woman, female, girl (whatever name you ascribe to that gender) has been dubbed "the bearded lady" [http://tinyurl.com/2fqp7pq]. If the name does not say enough, I will describe. A patch of whiskers has sprouted on her upper lip--and, because this poor unfortunate soul was cursed with dark hair and very, very pale skin, the unthinkable has happened--these harmless, dark, hairs have merited the status of "mustache." And, I very much regret to inform you that this poor, unfortunate soul is your very own C.
Now as we mourn for her briefly, we can move onto the other news of the day. Lee knows everything seems to be the general theme of EVERY DAY, but recently he's had some competition from Jack. Hell, Jack even offered to lend C his razor. In any case, Lee's boy advice, taken word-for-word by our very own heroine and other helpless females (though please, allow me to clarify, Ellen is anything but helpless) has worked like a frikken charm. It's unbelievable--they're eating out of the palm of their hands.
In other news, snuggling invitations have been declined. Apparently not all heterosexual men crave a good cuddle. What is this world coming to? But, lets be real, half of the college population just wants to get some action anyway--can't that just come in the form of cuddling?? We'll work on that one later.
And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for! The TFTD (which is actually a series of texts):
8:09PM(203): I'm betting he won't text me tonight....
8:10PM(203): It's okay I have work
8:11PM(203): But I wish he would
8:12PM(203): I'm so lame!!!
We've all been there. For now, the izze be gettin' cold.
A very parched yours, XOXO,
C & M
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Je Parle, Tu Parles
Exciting things are happening every day here.
Ok, that's a lie. Nothing exciting really happened today. Four of us are sitting in the dorm, eating kettle corn that was imported from Costco yesterday, and drinking coffee from a Keurig. This is shit. I need to pass this to my counterpart and continue reading "How Democratic is the American Constitution?" (To save you from 180 pages of reading, the answer is stated pretty simply in the first couple pages: Not very democratic.)
My friends, all I have to offer is a TFTD.
202: "Your hair is always as voluminous as J. Lo's ass to me."
We're really hoping that hump day tomorrow brings a bit more excitement. Perhaps M will even not fail her Français quiz. Nous esperons.
Back. So Lee explained a fabulous game to us--and of course, it's probably the best game ever, since Lee told us about it, and, don't forget, Lee knows everything. Anyhow, it's called "Copy/Paste." It came up last night when I got a particularly vile hot dog from the dining hall. I looked at it and I said, "It's like a rock. Yum. Delicious." To which Lee stopped me and said, "Wait. Copy." The way the game works, then, is that in any other setting at any other future date, Lee could ask me a question (like in front of someone's parents, or by a waiter in a restaurant, etc), a question such as "Hey, how was he last night? Paste." To which I would have to respond "It's like a rock. Yum. Delicious." Get it? Try it sometime. Lee knows everything.
George was introduced to some outsiders today...the cats in his pants merited some giggles. Like we said, we'll talk about George later.
It's a rofl-fucking-copter in here.
XOXO,
C. & M.
Ok, that's a lie. Nothing exciting really happened today. Four of us are sitting in the dorm, eating kettle corn that was imported from Costco yesterday, and drinking coffee from a Keurig. This is shit. I need to pass this to my counterpart and continue reading "How Democratic is the American Constitution?" (To save you from 180 pages of reading, the answer is stated pretty simply in the first couple pages: Not very democratic.)
My friends, all I have to offer is a TFTD.
202: "Your hair is always as voluminous as J. Lo's ass to me."
We're really hoping that hump day tomorrow brings a bit more excitement. Perhaps M will even not fail her Français quiz. Nous esperons.
Back. So Lee explained a fabulous game to us--and of course, it's probably the best game ever, since Lee told us about it, and, don't forget, Lee knows everything. Anyhow, it's called "Copy/Paste." It came up last night when I got a particularly vile hot dog from the dining hall. I looked at it and I said, "It's like a rock. Yum. Delicious." To which Lee stopped me and said, "Wait. Copy." The way the game works, then, is that in any other setting at any other future date, Lee could ask me a question (like in front of someone's parents, or by a waiter in a restaurant, etc), a question such as "Hey, how was he last night? Paste." To which I would have to respond "It's like a rock. Yum. Delicious." Get it? Try it sometime. Lee knows everything.
George was introduced to some outsiders today...the cats in his pants merited some giggles. Like we said, we'll talk about George later.
It's a rofl-fucking-copter in here.
XOXO,
C. & M.
Monday, September 13, 2010
R. Kelly, Rudeness, Racquetball, and Romance
Today was a pretty epic day.
At dinner, we discussed the enduring legacy of R. Kelly with David. We're psyched that our floormates have some concept of good music. D also revealed that he had a rather frightening dream involving Frank. We can only hope that F will show up in our dreams, though maybe in a different way.
We also heard from a reliable source that a lecture by a former president was rudely interrupted by some crazy who stormed the stage and had to be removed by security. Though this kid's passion was laudable, we suppose, we're not fans of how he chose to share his feelings with the rest of the community. Grow up. Maybe you'll find some tact somewhere in your rage.
At dinner, we discussed the enduring legacy of R. Kelly with David. We're psyched that our floormates have some concept of good music. D also revealed that he had a rather frightening dream involving Frank. We can only hope that F will show up in our dreams, though maybe in a different way.
We also heard from a reliable source that a lecture by a former president was rudely interrupted by some crazy who stormed the stage and had to be removed by security. Though this kid's passion was laudable, we suppose, we're not fans of how he chose to share his feelings with the rest of the community. Grow up. Maybe you'll find some tact somewhere in your rage.
* * * * *
"What does one wear to a racquetball date?" was the question of the day for our lovely friend and heroine. Love is in the air, blossoming during off-campus parties on Saturday nights. Drunk weekend hook-ups become rendez-vouses on weekdays, and, apparently, dates where the couple escapes to the gym. We like that Ellen and Hank are off to a healthy start--no pun intended. Anyway, our heroine decided upon a tennis skirt and a tight fitting top--apparently, though, for all you racquetball fanatics, long socks are the way to go. Will there be another date sometime soon? Yet another mystery of the universe arises. Boys are mysterious creatures (some more than others-cough, Frank and Ian, cough cough) and their thought processes can rarely be determined. According to Lee, our heroine must wait until Wednesday to see if Hank contacts her again. If not by Wednesday, Lee claims it will become a "lost cause."And Lee knows. He just does.
Another young lad has expressed interest in our heroine; we attribute her many suitors to her hot bod and her dazzling personality, among other reasons, of course. Anyhow, C got some reconnaissance at the library last night and discovered that yes, the rumors were true, and LGBD was interested in our friend and heroine. Despite the fact that he'd been denying it for days now (cut us a break--we've only been here for two and a half weeks), he finally fessed up after much probing. When asked for a statement, LGBD replied: "She's cool." Still bashful? He's a man of few words and many sweaters.
Meanwhile, C and M have begun on a new mission today: to capture the heart of a certain "Ian" who lives in our dorm. Well, actually, after some spying (but not creeping), it was discovered he lives in the same dorm as us! He was spotted first in the cafeteria, and a friend of a friend of a friend did some digging to find out more about this mysterious character with Mabelline-Ad eyelashes. Another enigmatic boy, so of course C and M are immediately drawn to him. What can we say? The brooding type is irresistible. Spotted: Ian with a cute girl today in the dining hall. M assured C that this stranger was a lipstick lesbian, only talking to Ian because she needed the company. You never know. (But Lee probably knows. He always knows).
And a shout out to George for doing his job today. Unfortunately, we can't say much about George now, only that he is the ever-vigilant virginity protector, and that he completes the task assigned to him well. We will continue to thank him in the future as we wouldn't want his hard work to go unacknowledged.
Another young lad has expressed interest in our heroine; we attribute her many suitors to her hot bod and her dazzling personality, among other reasons, of course. Anyhow, C got some reconnaissance at the library last night and discovered that yes, the rumors were true, and LGBD was interested in our friend and heroine. Despite the fact that he'd been denying it for days now (cut us a break--we've only been here for two and a half weeks), he finally fessed up after much probing. When asked for a statement, LGBD replied: "She's cool." Still bashful? He's a man of few words and many sweaters.
Meanwhile, C and M have begun on a new mission today: to capture the heart of a certain "Ian" who lives in our dorm. Well, actually, after some spying (but not creeping), it was discovered he lives in the same dorm as us! He was spotted first in the cafeteria, and a friend of a friend of a friend did some digging to find out more about this mysterious character with Mabelline-Ad eyelashes. Another enigmatic boy, so of course C and M are immediately drawn to him. What can we say? The brooding type is irresistible. Spotted: Ian with a cute girl today in the dining hall. M assured C that this stranger was a lipstick lesbian, only talking to Ian because she needed the company. You never know. (But Lee probably knows. He always knows).
And a shout out to George for doing his job today. Unfortunately, we can't say much about George now, only that he is the ever-vigilant virginity protector, and that he completes the task assigned to him well. We will continue to thank him in the future as we wouldn't want his hard work to go unacknowledged.
And now for some...
Miracles of the Day
802: "this morning some rando frosh boy sat down with me at breakfast to make friends, and my immediate thought was, shit i guess i don't look intimidatingly hot 2day."
That's all for today, readers. Who knows, maybe we'll have some more juicy developments tomorrow. There is a part of every day that is so funny we rofl.
Your favorite observers,
C. & M.
- Between the two of us, we had 4 encounters with the most famous of the several celebrities on campus. And by celebs, we mean self-righteous kids who feels the need to inform us all each time they take a dump. So this was obviously a sign.
- As the two of us struggled with a huge load of food and other dorm essentials delivered to C across campus, we realized the need for the strength of one of our burly young floormates. Just as we tried to call one of them, none other than Jack started walking towards us. He was about to head off campus, but he took time out of his schedule to help us with our load. Thanks, J. We wish there were more guys like you out there.
- M. has been chattering nonstop about the VMA performances she's been catching up on today. There were definitely some stellar performances. Of course, Florence + the Machine ranks high on her list, but when does she not? The vocals were not Flo's best, but her costume and styling, along with the dancers, the gospel choir, and the whole production, were AMAZING. Of course, we can't forget about Jason Derülo's sweet collab with Deadmau5, nor can we forget about the eternally sexy and talented Usher. If only he had actually sung more. He was also wearing too many clothes. Whoever did his styling was pretty lame, unfortunately. At least his dance moves were legit. Oh, but poor T. Swift...as much as we want to love her for her charm, we really have to question her talent. She seems like a nice girl, though- we'd both take her over Miley any day.
802: "this morning some rando frosh boy sat down with me at breakfast to make friends, and my immediate thought was, shit i guess i don't look intimidatingly hot 2day."
That's all for today, readers. Who knows, maybe we'll have some more juicy developments tomorrow. There is a part of every day that is so funny we rofl.
Your favorite observers,
C. & M.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Our Formal Introductions
Hello, world. We're coming to you from one of the many American institutions for higher learning. But we're not about to tell you which.
We decided to make this blog after realizing our gift for making true observations and for enjoying the strangest aspects of the world around us- college life.
After brooding over a baby name book, we decided on the unique "GotChoBootyInMahHand" because it represents what we see in a lot of the guys here.
Exciting things are happening every day--whether it be in the common room in our hall, or in the nearby cafeteria. Like this evening. Lee gave a killer impression of a heterosexual. Meanwhile, other members of the table were complaining about the lack of weekend booty and a serial sexiler. The soft serve ice cream was extra yellow today as well. Like we said, generally exciting stuff.
Stick around- we'll be regularly posting the things that everyone thinks but no one dares to say.
Bootily yours,
C. & M.
We decided to make this blog after realizing our gift for making true observations and for enjoying the strangest aspects of the world around us- college life.
After brooding over a baby name book, we decided on the unique "GotChoBootyInMahHand" because it represents what we see in a lot of the guys here.
Exciting things are happening every day--whether it be in the common room in our hall, or in the nearby cafeteria. Like this evening. Lee gave a killer impression of a heterosexual. Meanwhile, other members of the table were complaining about the lack of weekend booty and a serial sexiler. The soft serve ice cream was extra yellow today as well. Like we said, generally exciting stuff.
Stick around- we'll be regularly posting the things that everyone thinks but no one dares to say.
Bootily yours,
C. & M.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)