summer girls. (the LFO version, of course)

Hey blogosphere,

Sorry we've been pretty damn negligent for...oh, I don't know, maybe multiple MONTHS. But we hope to change this over the summer. Yes, C, Ellen, and I are all working various jobs, but it's not like we have homework to do or anything.

Let's just take things slow as we get back into things. And of course, that means a good old TEXT OF THE DAY!

• C: I'm dying. M: I am using my mom's foot massaging machine and watching the office [at 5:30 PM on a Tuesday]. WIML? C: Put that on the site!!! I just lol'd.

Might I also add that C and I went on a lunch date today? Let's just talk about how fabulous and classy it was for me to bring my own food to a burger place where C dined. I am that chick who brings her own lunch - bite me. Been doin' it hardcore since kindergarten. 

Love from M.! 

bring tha motha****** ruckus!

I'm doing a new social experiment.

How long must I blast Wu-Tang Clan in order to get my neighbor to stop singing? It seems to be effective in making him stop after each 30 second clip of gangster rap. Then he starts again. But when he starts again, so do I. I'm hoping that this will soon become Pavlovian in that he will realize that he will be  rewarded with silence when he gives silence to me.

I might be evil. But wait! He's stopped. No noise for a solid two minutes. Success? At least for now.

VS

I'll let you know of any updates in this battle. 

Question:

Is it bad that upon seeing this, my first thought was
GET IT!!!!
?

Weekend Update.

Surprisingly, I am alive and well after a week of midterms and illness! I was even alive and well enough to party a little harder than my cat lady schedule normally allows. Friday night I went with out with two friends. Because they haven't been mentioned on here before and I have misplaced my list of fake blog-friendly names, I will just refer to them as N and O. Get it? M, N, and O. Isn't that cute? Wouldn't you think that was cute if you were 70 and a cat lady? Yeah. No.

Anyway, I have digressed. We went to a party at a brother of a friend of a friend's house. It was a sausagefest of senior boys, which is preferable to a sausagefest of freshmen boys, but still a fest of sausages nonetheless. Activities included getting hit on (a rare occasion) by one very questionable character and one slightly-less-questionable character and playing 3-on-3 beer pong (or BP, or beirut, or rut, or whatever you want to call it) with 21 cups against 3 senior guys. This was a new experience for me, as was playing BP with a specific partner I had to challenge. The ball my competitor and I used was labelled- ahem- SNASHF#!K. Oh, of course, snashf#*k! Love her! Turns out this word, which was not even on Urban Dictionary, was the nickname of one of the competitor's former lady encounters. Good. Really good.

Though my BP partner had warned me that I would be drinking a lot, bragging about his skills before the game even commenced, he actually was pretty bad. Nothing compared to O's competition, who made every shot. Needless to say, her condition took a turn for the worse pretty quickly. After our game was over, she took to dancing, and this disgusting gorilla of a hipster interpreted that to mean that he had free reign over her booty. So he grabbed it. Then he grabbed it again as she walked by. Yeah, Hipster Gorilla, you're going to do more (or less) than grab a girl's butt and sport hipster glasses if you really want a girl to get with you. Maybe you should keep booty-grabbing to how it works out though! (I wonder what would have happened if George had been with us...)

Luckily, Hipster Gorilla did not have a chance to start such antics. Once O took to kicking a soccer ball in the corner, he came over to me and asked, "Is your friend okay?" "Yeah, I've got her covered," I said, "but she would probably be better if you stopped grabbing her ass every 5 seconds." He actually pretended to agree and said, "Yeah, I agree with that proposition." BOO-YAH. M CAN BE SASSY EVEN WHEN SLIGHTLY INTOXICATED. GET IT.

Overwhelmed with cheap beer and sausages, we left shortly after this incident and proceeded to return to the dorms and chat while recovering with chocolate-covered pretzels. It was a good night. We wore clothes when we went out, which cannot honestly be said by about 85% of the girls at our school who go out. We weren't stupid. Though one of us did not succeed at keeping the gorilla hands off her booty, we will be more on the lookout for those grimy booty-grabbers next time.

In stark contrast to Friday night, my Saturday night involved a trip to my parents' house for the long weekend, which of course means a visit with my cats. I may have been in my PJs at 8:30 PM. No big. I know y'all are glad to see that I really am a cat lady at heart, even if I sometimes have to watch out for Hipster Gorillas and their grabby hands.

If you're confused about this blog's name and the anti-booty-grabbing theme prevalent in this post, you clearly haven't been reading GCBIMH for long enough. So now this means you get to feast your eyes, body, and soul by reading every post ever.

Best of luck,
M. <3

The Day Has Arrived...

Today was Valentine's Day, and I am happy to say that I was not disappointed. It had its ups (feeling like I did well on my first midterm), and it had its downs (coughing up both lungs and constantly sniffling). But basically it was a day of rebellion. And by rebellion I mean rebellion as likely defined by a 70-year-old cat lady.

• I let Ellen's boy into the room this morning so he could leave some V-Day treats on her desk.
• I received a cat card in the mail that actually meows. I listened to it for about a solid minute. It is probably the equivalent of a Howler for most people. 
• I have come to terms with the fact that I love Taylor Swift. I don't give a damn whether her songs are filled with fantasy and things that will never happen and clichés and faux feminism. I love her. Get over it. This act of rebellion in particular probably just makes me a hipster because I like something it's not "cool" for hipsters to like. Hipsterism is so confusing. They need to teach a class on it. 
• This isn't rebellious, but just plain exciting - I got one of my gifts from Paul. =) It is a bonsai/bamboo heart thing. It is unique (or so I tell myself) and cute and probably featured in Stuff White People Like. 

Speaking of white things, I received this someecard today:

...and now I'm going to go listen to Tay-Tay and study for my second midterm (and by that I mean trying to make my new bonsai plant happy). 

White, single, and sickly yours,

M. 

Aww, shoot.

We really have failed at keeping this blog up-to-date. You'd think a new semester would mean new posts, but unfortunately, the new semester has really only meant new levels of work for both C and me. Example A is the fact that I stayed in last night, doing work and later treating myself to the latest episode of Jersey Shore. Example B is the fact that I did some work today and will still be staying in tonight, maybe even getting a little crazy with a movie(!) and a drink(!!!). The adventure of the night was a trip to the grocery store with Lee. Let me tell you - we both felt really cool carrying our grocery bags into our dorm as large huddles of girls/clones came out dressed to the nines, smelling like baby prostitutes and clacking their heels in sync like horses leading a carriage. Actually, when I put it like that, maybe I did feel cool compared to them. Because even though I don't always look dashing, I feel like it is at least possible to tell me apart from most other girls (except Ellen, since everyone already thinks we are the same person). And I kind of prefer that to looking just like everyone else.

As I'm sure you have all remembered by now, Valentine's Day/Singles Awareness Day is the day after tomorrow. I would probably be a bit more bitter about it if I didn't already know that Paul is sending me some strictly friendly gifts and if I wasn't freaking out about the four midterms I have this week, starting - you guessed it - on V-Day.

Anyway, those of you who know me know that my opinions on a lot of things are constantly changing as I learn more and live more. After much contemplation (about five minutes' worth), I have formulated my latest stance on Valentine's Day. Is the commercialism silly? Yes. Was it invented by Hallmark and Hershey's? Maybe. Is it entirely phony though? I don't really think so, not anymore. I hate the stuffed animals and shitty chocolates as much as the next Valentine's Scrooge, but what's wrong with showing a little extra love? True, Valentine's Day should be every day; every day should be an opportunity to show your loved ones how you feel about them. But I think I admire most the new loves that Valentine's Day can spark. Admit that the little 3rd-grade boys sticking candy in their crushes' lockers are adorable. Try to tell me that the old man buying his wife's favorite flowers for her is not one of the most beautiful gestures you've ever seen. I know this sounds like a sappy and pathetic combo of Love Actually and Valentine's Day (basically the same things, anyway), but seriously, what's wrong with love?! Just because I currently view love as a torture device because I'm not getting any of it in the romantic sense doesn't mean that I am going to be a bitter Betty about people who are! Bring on the flowers, bring on the jewels, bring on the paper cards, bring on the LOVE. Is it silly that people these days have to resort to showing love via candy and cupcakes and cards and stuffed animals? Probably. But the holiday is about love. So show some, and stop hating on all the lovebirds.

Also, try watching this video and telling yourself that you don't have renewed faith in humanity after seeing it:

V-Day love,
M.

It's been awhile...

Hello again! I've missed GCBIMH, and I offer my sincere apologies for having abandoned you all during these past weeks. Ever since Thanksgiving break, and even before that, life has been a crazy, crazy whirlwind, and only last week did I have an opportunity to get out of this city and escape to a sparsely populated New England town where I was able to hibernate for a bit. Unfortunately, hibernation resulted in weight gain of a few pounds, but all the wholesome food made it so worth it. I figure once I get back to school tomorrow, I probably won't want to eat very much of the cafeteria fare anyway.

So I didn't make any resolutions on January 1, but I have been trying basically since I got back from my second visit to that Harry-Potter-looking school in mid-November to get over Paul. I'm just going to throw my vulnerability out there- I've been a pathetic mess for at least two hours every week, pretty much on the week, since then. I'm sure you've all heard it before, but let me remind you here- love sucks. A lot. I have been really good at not making up my mind about how I feel about him, and that's pretty much it. After a brief three-day stint of refusing to talk to him before Christmas, I have regressed to my old ways, and we've been talking kind of a lot. I won't divulge any more details other than that he is going to be staying in a place for the next several months that I don't have the money/time to visit, which might be good or might be torture. It also is a place a significant time-difference away, so we probably won't be able to talk as much whether we want to or not. Who knows?

I am happy to announce, however, that the beautiful E and C both have men in their lives. I will leave it up to them to reveal the juicy details of their romances, though, if they so choose!

We will all be reunited tomorrow evening, and I'm sure some good winter break stories will arise then.

Happy slightly-belated new year!
<3 M.