Today just wasn't my day. You know how sometimes you look at yourself after getting ready in the morning (after waking up feeling like P. Diddy), and you tell yourself, "Damn, I look good. This must mean I'm going to have an excellent day with lots of [straight] male suitors." Well, my dears, that is not true. I told myself exactly that this morning, and I was not successful in being successful at anything.
I might be exaggerating, I'll admit. The bulk of the day was really quite productive aside from a few blips of crappiness. I paid attention in the class in which I normally show symptoms of ADD or narcolepsy. I made headway on homework, though, of course, mountains of it still remain. Alas, the lows of the daytime included the following (Please do not point out my stupidity and/or how I am at fault for all of these occurrences. I really don't want to hear it right now, and I'm well aware that most or all of these things could have been prevented had I used my noggin.) :
- Speaking in English in French class. In my defense, my teacher asked me a question in English. How was I to know she wanted that response in français?
- Making an idiot of myself in front of my TA, a PhD student. I got a term we've been studying from day 1 mixed up with a term that has nothing to do with the subject. Oh, the look on his face. Oh, the redness on mine.
- Having doors shut on my face repeatedly because boys are not men on this campus and do not know how to be chivalrous. Wait, no, that's a lie. Not yet being a man is no excuse- my first boyfriend (approximate age during relationship: 14) ALWAYS held doors for me, and I would not have called him particularly manly. Boys, men, know this: chivalry is not dead. Yes, sometimes we ladies like to do things for ourselves and rock the Betty Friedan, but that doesn't mean we don't want you to at least TRY to be chivalrous. Unless you and your girl have established that you don't ALWAYS need to open doors, you need to play it safe and open doors for every girl. I don't care if it is an able-bodied but unattractive girl. I don't care if it is the ugliest woman you have ever seen. PLAY IT SAFE AND OPEN DOORS FOR US. At the very least, HOLD DOORS. You would hold a door for your bro. You would hold the door for your mother. Consider all the unknown ladies of the world your bros and mothers. Therefore, you need to have proper door etiquette. That is all.
- Attending a yoga class. Now, I am all about the benefits of yoga, and I really enjoyed yoga when I was younger. I had a "Yoga for Kids" video, and I would twist myself into a pretzel at least 3 times a week. Perhaps the fact that I had not done yoga for 6 months before today had something to do with the fact that the class was so miserable. But I also take no shame in blaming the instructor. She kept us in downward dog for at least 42 of the 60 minutes. She did not speak audibly. She played Alanis Morrissette while we were supposed to be relaxing. C came up to me in the middle of the class, when she had to run to the supply closet to grab something, and whispered, "Slavedriver, take me home!" I couldn't have agreed more. I was asking myself the whole time if it was socially acceptable to leave halfway through. I also contemplated whether it would disturb the supposedly peaceful atmosphere if I were to discreetly release a bit of flatulence. No worries, readers- I am a lady, so I waited until I was well outside the yoga room after class.
Now, like I said, the day really just got progressively worse. The worst occurred approximately 75 minutes ago when I spilled my tea all over the study lounge. Part of if splashed onto the hair of the girl next to me. Part of it spilled onto my French. Part of it spilled onto me. Most of it is now chilling on the carpet intended to conceal barf stains. Hopefully it can pass the tea test as well.
The icing on the cake was when I made a rather inappropriate comment a few moments ago. Long story short, the person about whom I made a rather unkind insinuation saw what I IMed. Love it. It wasn't a big deal, and apparently she laughed, but I did not need that immediately after the Great Tea Disaster.
Fortunately, Ellen, ever the heroine, showed up soon after the IM Struggle. She informed me of some excellent news. Turns out that both boys (they are boys, NOT men by any measure) who have been less than kind to her thus far BOTH talked to her today in ways that were très amusant. One singlehandedly sounded like the attack of the drones with the amount of the humming he did, and the other asked her something about working out. That's right, pathetic boy, Ellen the heroine has a better body than you. Jealous much?
Anyway, C and I just keep doing what we do. We drink Tang. We carry large, awkwardly-sized objects. We test the abilities of the food in the caf to satiate our hunger. We even do the occasional booty-grabbing.
To end things on a note worthy of a chuckle (or heinously loud guffaw, as we prefer), I have for you a Text From The Day.
"I def just walked into the men's room. There was someone using a urinal. We made eye contact."
Slightly crazily yours,
M.
PS Jack will be guest blogging soon! As will C! These next few posts should be pretty epic.
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